Becoming a parent makes you reflect on how you were raised. Were you kissed and coddled? Encouraged to be brave, self-reliant, or stoic? Did your parents admire your beauty, affirm your strengths, and accept your quirks?
As I raise my two preschoolers, I often think about my childhood – the good things I can pass on, the things I longed for as a child, and the mistakes I don’t want to make. After one such internal review (probably stemming from a boring commute), I relayed my insights to my husband over dinner:
“You know, I don’t remember my mom ever telling me I was pretty. I felt accepted by her, but she never verbalized that to me. It’s not like I felt sad or bothered about it. But, I tell the girls all the time how gorgeous they are, and it’s not like I intentionally set out to do that. I just can’t help but tell them. Weird, huh?”
My hubby, knowing that on a scale of 1-10 in the verbal love index I generally rank around a three, agreed, but warned, “You need to be careful though of doing that too. You don’t want them to think what matters most is how they look.”
And this is why I married him. And maybe why I use Dove soap and deodorant.
Let me explain.
Dove has a mission to help raise girls’ self-esteem by providing strong role models, showing real women’s bodies in their advertisements, and encouraging moms and daughters to connect. They’ve gone so far as providing thorough discussion guides and activities for moms and daughters to explore together their relationship with beauty, self-worth and body confidence.
They’ve also asked me to be a part of their newest campaign “Women Who Should Be Famous.” Of course, I gulped down my excited squeal to say, “Heck yea!” As you know, I’m no foreigner when it comes to dealing with post-partum body image, even having gone so far as petitioning God and calling out Octomom.
I’ll be writing several posts on how we as women can bank on beauty – beauty defined through character, expressed through presence, appreciated in various forms, and acknowledged by self – and how we can share that legacy with our daughters.
You are going to love the next post which highlights some excellent ideas for instilling the preschool set with a deeper meaning of beauty. If you haven’t already, subscribe to get Mommy Crib Notes by email. You do not want to miss it!
Brilliant! I can’t wait for the next post!!!!
This is fantastic advice for anyone who has daughters. I think it’s easy for all of us to fall into that trap of telling them how beautiful they are. But I’m with Bryan — we’d never want them to think that’s what’s most important. We’ve started to shift the focus to balance — how much we love their heart for the Lord, their caring little hearts and how sweet they are. Great post!
Kristi you always amaze me! Great advise! I find myself doing the same with London for the same reasons. Congrats on the new job. Can’t wait to hear more!!
Sounds exciting! I have very strong opinions about “beauty”- the word, the idea, and how we use it. I can’t wait to see where this campaign goes!
Also- your husband rocks.
Yea, my husband does rock Jenni. Thanks for the feedback and so glad you’ll be reading more!
“beauty defined through character, expressed through presence, appreciated in various forms, and acknowledged by self” -wow, awesome words, looking forward to future posts.
Thanks Catrina. So glad you’ll be reading more!
A good self image is a big stepping stone to success but first you must accept what you have and control what you can, Women struggle with this way too much. Self image is both inside and out. I believe that if you love the inside the outside will follow. It isn’t easy but it is worth every minute. Remember, it is not magic!! We are physical beings but inside…….s
I agree that accepting what is within our control and being at peace with what isn’t is a huge obstacle for women – or, at least me! That’s a whole another series of posts, for someone more enlightened than me.
I was doing the same thing with Elaina not even realizing it. I just love that kid so much I got wrapped up in telling her how beautiful, cute, wonderful, etc she was all the time. Jason told me the same thing Bryan told you. I am now much more careful of what I say and how I say it. I want her to know I think she is beautiful but that it comes from all of who she is not just the outside appearance.
Great job Kristi!
I think this is so important! As a feminist, I’m really aware of all the issues that come with body image, and one of the big ones is how we raise little girls to believe that being pretty is the most important thing they can be. But it’s not! Girls should be so much more… brave, daring, smart, funny, kind… I could go on forever.
Yep, yep, and yep Katy! Thanks for weighing in.
Love this post! I can’t wait for the next…