While finding out the gender of the unborn has become the new norm – 64% of us will learn our baby’s gender at 20 weeks according to a Babycenter.com poll – I encourage expecting moms to take the good, old-fashioned route, waiting.
I’ve done it both ways.
We kept our firstborn’s gender a surprise and but found out at 20 weeks with our second and, contrary to popular belief, not knowing is better. In fact, there are major advantages to having the doc keep mum.
10 Reasons to Keep Your Baby’s Gender a Surprise
1. Rather than 48 frilly dresses or athletic-themed onesies (39 of which will never get worn), you get the practical, off-the-registry gifts you really need at your baby shower.
2. You can avoid lengthy diatribes about the merits of naming your baby after your grandmother Helga.
3. There is nothing like the sheer pleasure of irking your mother-in-law for nine months. (Fair disclosure: She will even the score though, once the baby is born.)
4. You get to indulge your crazy aunt’s need to play soothsayer. She’ll hang strings over your belly, read your tea leaves, or ask about particular cravings. The bonus for you? You get to talk ad nauseam about the ins and outs of your pregnancy.
5. There’s no chance of mistakenly creating a Johnny room only to find out that you actually have a Jane.
6. The waiting room will be packed with family members and friends excitedly awaiting the big announcement.
7. You won’t be disappointed if you don’t get the girl or boy your heart was set on. Gender preferences melt away as soon as you see your new baby.
8. Co-workers will be eager to open the email announcement to see not only how red-faced and pointy-headed your baby is, but to find out if they won the baby pool and beer money for the weekend.
9. You won’t need to revamp your gender-neutral nursery for numbers 2, 3, 4…
10. Great surprises are few and far between in life – this is one of the best, if not tops.
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I still prefer to find out for convenience sake:( But if I would have read this before kids, I might have been persuaded otherwise:)
After working in a childrens hospital for many years,I never had a preference.I felt sooooo blessed either way.
I whole-heartedly agree with every single one. We didn’t find out with our son, and we are awaiting #2. I can’t help but want to do a ‘Reveal Party’ (thanks Pinterest) but my husband is all about the surprise being at the hospital. It was wonderful getting all of our practical baby needs (and a slew of frog/duck gear – somehow gender neutral??) but I would like to know if I just need to wash some onesies, or if I can shop a little
I hear you Sally. I wanted to know too if we were going to need little boy clothes. But, we had enough gender neutral stuff to last the first week and enough family over the moon about a new baby to gift us with boy clothes the first week if ended up having a little guy. We had another girl and I’ve had to wait four years to shop since we had so many hand-me-downs for the first, and of course, the second. That is a long time for a gal to abstain from shopping!
I don’t get why it is less of a surprise finding out at 20 weeks versus 40 weeks. It was still a big surprise for us and everyone else. Also, it is also SO hard to find gender neutral clothes nowadays, probably because almost everyone finds out ahead of time. I tried shopping before we found out the gender with our last one and it was SO difficult in the clothes department, there was almost nothing that was neutral either at stores or consignment shops.
To each their own, right Liz? Half of us opt to find out but if you choose to wait, I think it’s worth it. We just decorated our nursery in gender neutral colors (periwinkle, light green and cranberry red) and figured that would work well for us because we were planning on having more than one kid anyway. So, when the second one came, we just moved our first into another room and decorated it all girly then. That way we had a nursery already done and ready for the next child, no matter what sex it was. As for clothes, we purchased just what we would need to get us through the first week in white, yellow and green. We figured, and correctly, that we would get lots of girly or boyish clothing right away as gifts or that we could go get the clothes ourselves that first week. My mother-in-law showed up the first day at the hospital with a HUGE bag of girl clothes she had bought once I delivered. It really was not an issue.
I agree, Liz. Not only can I not imagine trying to organize the baby clothes after birth for the first time, it’s near impossible to find appealing gender-neutral clothes. Also, some parents get kind of annoyed when people don’t know whether to refer to their kid as a boy or a girl! We found out for our 2 kids, but since we have boy clothes and girl clothes, if we feel like waiting when we have our next child, we can just pull the right boxes out of storage once we get home! It is a good idea, though, to buy the basics gender-neutral: layering onsies, jeans, blankets, diaper bag, wash cloths, etc. And if you buy snow shoes late in the season (like we did), it’s okay to buy your boy toddler Hello Kitty snow boots knowing that your baby girl will be able to wear them next winter.
I agree! Having done it both ways there is nothing more exciting than waiting until the birth to find out! It’s like every Birthday and Christmas wrapped up into one moment! People may say it’s just as surprising at 20 weeks- but unless you’ve actually done it you have no idea! It is so awesome!
I’m with LIz, when you find out the gender of the baby whether 20 weeks or at birth, it’s a surprise. I think bonding begins as soon as you find out the gender and by birth you are so excited to meet them. Even though I knew what I was having both times, there was still the surprise of what they were going to look like. As you said, to each their own.
I’ve done it both ways Monica – I’ve waited until birth and I found out the gender at 20 weeks with my second. So, I’m not knocking people who find out at 20 weeks, obviously I’m one of them, but just saying that I think it’s more fun and there are some definite advantages to waiting. I’ve been trying to figure out how to describe the difference in surprise (20 weeks vs. birth). The closest thing I can think of is this: My best friend lives across the country from me. If she called me today and told me that she had booked a trip to come out and visit me five months from now I’d be happy, excited and surprised. But, if she showed up on my doorstep saying, “Surprise, I’m here to spend the weekend with you” it would be an even bigger surprise. Do you know what I mean? Also, the other part that is awesome is the husband or significant other getting to go out to the waiting room and announce what the baby is to the family anxiously waiting there. Or, at least that was my experience. Again, we’re all different and it’s all exciting no matter what.
I agree with you Kristi. I have also done it both ways, and there is just something so amazing and extra special about not knowing until that moment when the baby is born. I am not knocking anyone who finds out at 20 weeks, but I think unless you have actually waited to find out, you never actually know what an amazing feeling it is to find out when the baby is born. There is absolutely nothing that you cannot prepare for if you don’t find out the sex of the baby. We waited with our first and didn’t with our second. Waiting is definitely better in my experience.
Thanks for sharing your experience Joslyn. I think it’s telling that everyone that has tried both ways has said it’s better to wait. That being said, tomato/tomAHto. My friends could rave about eating carpaccio (raw beef delicacy), but I ain’t ever trying it.
I see both sides clearly. But I disagree with most of the reasons. Being a military family it was hard for the grandparents to be there waiting our little ones arrival or anything else for that matter. With the second no one was there. It was fun to know but we made it very clear we wanted everything gender neutral so we could use it no matter what we had had next. It worked out perfectly. We are now expecting #3, a surprise and a girl and I wish we hadn’t told our families… They gone pink crazy. Thankfully, I had passed most of our gender neutral things to a friend that sent it it all back.
I heard that women who don’t know the gender of their baby tend to have shorter births. Maybe they just push a little harder to find out sooner…. There’s some research on this. Who knows, but I’m 32 weeks pregnant with twins and I can’t wait to find out their genders when they are born. We didn’t find out for our first baby and are very grateful the nursery is gender neutral.
Lol, i can say its not true, I found out, baby came early at 34 weeks and only had 2 hr labour
I didn’t find out with 1 & 2, but did with 3. It is SO much more exciting waiting until the birth day. #1-Reveals are much better when the anticipation is greater. Waiting twice as long=2X the anticipation, plus you have everyone else’s anticipation by that time as well. #2-Your hormones are practically spewing out of you by then, so every tiny experience that piques an emotion turns into a “main event”, and that is the grand-daddy of them all!
I have done it both ways and it was a little more special waiting till birth. But then, with three girls, I will only be surprised if the next one is a boy
As far as clothing, my babies lived in kimono style shirts with covers over the hands and little pants OR sleepers or gowns. Those things are pretty easy to find gender neutral.
I think that it is a surprise either way, like someone already said. However, there are so many cute baby clothes out there that fit boys or girls, why have a bunch of yellow? Also, as far as keeping the room the same for all future babies…. I prefer that each one is special and unique and has their own individual room theme. They will get hand-me-downs all their life, but when they get old enough to look through albums and see that mom & dad made the same effort to make their room special for them as their older sibling, it will mean something. And finally….who wants to have to run out the first week to buy boy/girl clothes so last minute? The first week with baby is best spent at home with everything you need because you were prepared ahead of time.
I’m pregnant with my third and we haven’t found out in advance for any of them. Finding out on the day is what makes that final stage worthwhile. I won the bet that the second was a boy but spent about 10 mins disappointed he wasn’t a girl! This time I’m excited at the idea of a third boy but gender isn’t the important part of motherhood. It’s sad that the reasons people want to know are because they’re impatient and/or planning materially for clothes and room colours. Finding gender neutral clothes is almost impossible which says a lot about a gap in the market and the fact we stereotype children even before birth these days. I’d say the difference between finding out at 20 weeks vs 40 weeks is that the sex of the baby is more exciting because you’ve waited longer. Christmas every day would be boring wouldnt it?
Good point Lucy about Christmas. Thanks for sharing!
I didn’t want to know. I always said it was like knowing what you were getting for Christmas. I waited 35 yrs to hear it’s a boy or it’s a girl…and the silly Dr. “assumed ” I knew and said nothing! LOL…
Too funny Susan!
My doctor did the same thing when I had my oldest! It seemed like it took him forever to say anything and I was too out of breath I couldn’t ask! My husband finally looked at me and said, “it’s a BOY!!”
I am definitely on the side of finding out early.The reasons listed in this article seem very silly to me. And as far as it feeling like Christmas on delivery day, it’s going to feel like that anyway but we actually got two Christmases because the day we found out was so exciting and wonderful that day felt like Christmas too. We’re having a baby girl and we’re calling her by name, picturing what she’s going to look like. It’s exciting everyday and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Delivery day will still be just as amazing.
I agree whole heartedly with you Rebecca, the fact that I knew that I had a baby girl made my pregnancy bearable, I wasn’t one of those pregnant women who loved been pregnant, I absoloutely hated it, but knowing that I had a lil baby named Sophie inside me made it worthwhile…
Why does a person’s sex matter so much? It has nothing to do with who the person actually is.
Oh I really hope you’re just a troll, Sheila.
I agree with Sheila. <3 Thanks for bringing up the point that I had in mind while reading all these comments. I actually feel that the article was great, but I won't share it with friends and family because of these comments that emphasis gender being a binary categorization that is determined by one's genitalia.
I have a feeling everyone’s opinion on this comes down to what their personality type is. If you’re a planner, you’re going to of course want to know so you can plan in your way for the arrival! If you’re a more in-the-moment kind of person, of course you’re going to want to wait to find out in the moment! If you’re interested more about personality typing, I recommend “Please Understand Me” by David Keirsey & Marilyn Bates.
I don’t know Jenn. I am a major planner – bought my wedding dress before I was engaged, plan other people’s overseas trips for them, and professionally plan events for up to 700 people. If you ask any of my friends or relatives, they will all say I’m a planner. If I can wait, anyone can!
We waited and it was the BEST decisions of my whole pregnancy. Nothing tops the moment my husband said “its a boy, he’s a boy!” as my son was being placed on my chest. It made the 15+ hours of labor disappear faster than anything as I started to look forward to all the joys of boys. I loved that during my pregnancy I could imagine all the fun aspects of both genders, and that my husband and I would play “kicking games” with Baby M trying to get him to tell us his gender. I also loved not being inundated with bunches of pink or blue items that would be hard to use again. Baby stuff is used for such a short time that it does not make sense financially to buy new for each child. I did not have a hard time finding gender neutral clothes, and we didn’t really need a whole wardrobe to start with (5-6 onesies, hats & socks and blankets). The only hard part of not knowing was when Easter rolled out in the stores & I started swooning over frilly dresses.
Kicking games – cute! I agree that my husband’s reaction to our first baby’s delivery, when we didn’t know what we were having, was so awesome. After 14 hours of labor, I ended up in C-section. I remember my husband sitting at my head, holding my hand, say, “It’s a girl – you got your girl!” with tears in his eyes and voice. And he had so much fun announcing what the baby was to our six family members waiting in the waiting room.
Thank you! we found out with my son and am planning to wait with #2 due in august. but every time I see super cute girl items, I NEED to know! But after reading some comments it makes me want to wait, and to go without the ultrasound as well.
You can do it! It will be so much fun to wait and then you’ll know what it is like both ways. Just pin all those girly items and go back and buy them with newborn in tow.
My husband and I have chosen to find out each time at 20 weeks for one reason: We don’t like calling a person “It” and “he or she” is too long. Being able to call my girls by name, before we met them in person, humanized them. This was our personal choice and I do agree with Jenn, that it is a matter of personality. We are expecting our third and are excited to know who we are talking to in utero.
Congrats Jaime! Good point about wanting to bond with your baby in utero. If knowing the name and sex helps you do that, then you should do it. For our first, when we didn’t find out, we jokingly called the baby Barnabas. This was in part to tease our family who was also going crazy not knowing what names we were thinking of either. We kept that secret too.
We got pregnant through IVF so we have waited to find out the sex until its born so we can have at least one surprise in this whole process. It has been hard at times but exciting too. Everyone knew with my nieces & nephews what they were going to be so this is just as exciting for our family as it is for us!
Congratulations Jen! It’s going to be such a fun and wonderful surprise.
My sister just had her baby January 17th and it was a beautiful baby girl. She didn’t find out nor did they tell us the possible name choices. We made Tshirts based on our guesses of what the baby was that said ” team blue ” or ” team pink” and. We had almost 40 people in the waiting room and you should’ve seen the video of my brother in law revealing what the baby was. Best way to go is to not find out!!
That is so awesome Ellen! And what a supportive family. If only everyone had that much love surrounding them…
As a mom of seven, and having found out both ways, I would wait. My first two I did not know (because they really had not perfected all that yet). With my third pregnancy I found out that we were having twins and I thought it would be good to know, so we could prepare for double of everything and I already had plenny of boy things. They could only really confirm one to be a boy and the other they thought was a boy. So it only kind of helped. (he ended up being a boy) My 4th, with Four boys, I wanted to know for practical reasons. We did keep it a secret to everyone else. It was exciting to find out she was a Girl, and the day she was born we were so glad to see her and announce the suprise to everyone else. Where I live you can have a few family members in the birthing room, so it was fun to see their faces when the doctor announced it. With my next baby I decided that there is a different kind of thrill to find out the day of the birth, so I did not want to know.
For those of you who want to find out for practical reasons, may I suggest what our plan was. The doctor wrote down what it was on a paper and sealed it in an envolope. I gave it to my mom, who wanted to know. When we would go shopping together, I would point out things I liked in both genders. She would then go back later to purchase the correct gender item. Needless to say it was only a plan, because my mom could not get herself to open it. She said “its like opening a christmas gift early.” But I have suggested it to friends who have done this. You need an awesome mom, or sister, or really good friend who can keep a secret and is willing to go shopping with you. What women wouldn’t want to go shopping for baby things!
Number seven was a surprise to begin with and we choose not to find out early with him.He was a boy and pleasant surprise in every way.
It is exciting both ways,BUT FOR ME, finding out in a room full of people I knew, was much more of a thrill, than in ultra sound room with just you and your husband and the tech. Hope this helps anyone who is debating this decission. It really does depend on who you are. I would wait.
Thanks for sharing your experience Karyn and the idea about letting a close friend or family member do the gender-specific shopping for you.
As much as I wanted to wait, we just couldn’t. We had the tech seal the gender in an envelope. I gave the envelope to my boss who then wrapped the correct gender outfit in a package. All our family came over on new years day and we opened it in front of them! It was suspenseful and wonderful. We are chosing to not have all family at the hospital so this worked perfect for us.
Why are we “one-uping” each others choices? Whatever you choose is undoubtedly special to you and perfect. I think we may just wait it out with the next baby…why not?!
That’s a fun idea Codi. My best friend found out with all three of her pregnancies but she organized “coming out” events like you did. For the first, she had a party at her house where they opened the envelope and announced the sex. For the second, she had a baker make a cake with the inside the color of gender (pink or blue). At a party she held, they cut into it to find out the sex. That was a ton of fun for them. I don’t think anyone is trying to “one-up” each other’s choices. We’re just sharing what we thought was fun from our experience whether you choose to find out, not find out or try it both ways. Obviously, I found out the sex of my second at 20 weeks so I’m not knocking finding out and almost all of my friends have chosen not to wait and I still love them. It’s just conversation and meant to be in fun.
We did not find out with the first, even though everyone fought me on that. When we have our second I do not plan to find out then either, especially since it will be a scheduled c-section (unless this one happens to be much smaller than the first). I think it was the greatest decision for us because we spent so long trying to get pregnant to begin with, it was nice being able to have a surprise. It was also fun hearing which gender everyone thought I was having based on cravings, size, etc.
We waited to find out and another good thing about all the gender neutral baby gifts and outfits bought before baby arrives? You get to have a really good excuse to get out and shop again after baby is born! I don’t live near many family and friends so it was the boost I needed post baby to get out and about and outfit HER in some pink and purple!
How fun Melanie!
We found out as soon as we could, I found out I was pregnant at 22 weeks and they told me it was a girl, and we were both extremely excited as we both wanted a lil girl, but then one of my friends said that it might still be a boy so at 30 weeks scan, they told me it was 110% that it was a girl, I am with Jaime, we didn’t want our child to be called IT…we decided on a name (Sophie) and everyone called her Sophie before she was born…she came early at 34 weeks and she is definetely a Sophie…there was no way that I could wait 9 months to find out…I really do not agree with this blog at all…someone should write a blog on ten reasons to find out your babie’s gender…
To each their own Paola, right? I tried both ways and wanted to share what I felt was most fun for me and I think would be fun for others. I find it telling that everyone who did it both ways has agreed that it was more fun for them when they waited. I know, I know, it’s soooooooo hard to wait and there are plenty of reasons to find out. But, in the end, I think it’s worth it. Obviously, this is purely subjective and each person’s definition of “fun” is different. In the end, the miracle of carrying a child in your womb is amazing and giving birth, whether you know their sex or not, is joyous.
we decided to know early for both our babies but also knew i was to have cesareans for both, while possibly under a general anesthetic, so i was to possibly miss the grand announcement. We kept the name secret though. Also it also allowed for Hubby to announce baby’s name to the family, even while i was still under anesthetic/in recovery… otherwise he would have had to sit around waiting for more than two hours before he could share the news!
This is a great list – I had always just assumed we would choose to find out ahead of time, but these are things that I had never even thought of! My only concern is that I am a Planner with a capital P. As hard as I may try to keep an open mind about boy vs. girl, I am so afraid that I would inadvertently get my heart set on one or the other, which of course could make for an uncomfortable disappointment on delivery day. I mean, I know I would mostly just be overcome with joy at the beautiful child I produced, but if I had just spent 9 whole months planning my daughter’s future wedding, for example (I know, I’m crazy) and it turned out to be a boy, that would take some adjusting. Maybe I can just try to suck it up and surprise myself anyway
Do it! Do it! Do it! (shouted with a fist pump)
I LOVE this list! I’ve waited with my children and it has been so exciting and fun throughout the pregnancy! I’m practically the only one of my friends that has done it and they can’t seem to understand why. I feel like clothing is not really a necessity (I mean I know it is, but “cute” pink or blue clothes aren’t). All the baby really NEEDS are onesies, blankets (which can be darling in neutral colors), diapers, and milk. Of course, I love dressing my children as much as the next Mommy so I understand.
I am actually pregnant with my 4th (not planned) and we have decided we might find out this time. We thought that since the pregnancy was such a shock/surprise, doing a little planning for this bundle would be fun/different (and a gender reveal party could be fun with the kiddos). I will let you know if it’s all it’s cracked up to be!
Congratulations Elizabeth on your surprise! My second was a surprise and while we were a little scared about it, she ended up being the best thing ever!
Someone pinned this on Pinterest, and I just had to click and see what it was about…we have 3 and didn’t find out the gender with any of ours (3 girls!) and we LOVED not knowing! I had to talk my hubs into not knowing with the first, promising I we could find out with the 2nd…well, he didn’t want to know after seeing how exciting it was with the first! Also love how excited the doctors and nurses are when it is delivery time! We do believe it is one of “the best” surprises
Hey Bobbie, so glad you couldn’t resist clicking over.
If we had a third, we would have gone back to not finding out. We do regret finding out with the second. But, live and learn.
To add my 2 cents, this is our first and honestly have no conscience preference (because I do believe everyone deep down has a preference) and since it’s our first I think my husband and I will find out the gender however, right, wrong, or different, I think we are going to tell everyone “the baby wasn’t in a good position”. Now I’ve never been a liar, here are my reasons, this list is great, it’s the first grandchild so what a great way to keep excitement without everyone going overboard, I am not a pink lady myself at all and would hate for a ton of pink stuff to go to waste, not to mention with it being the first I want to stay neutral either way and it’s easier to put girls in boys stuff but not the other way around. Also, my mother in law doesn’t want to know and neither does my dad, but as if you can tell some family and not the rest. SO what really made my husband and me want to know is so we can mentally prepare, instead of being “the baby” at least between the two of us we can put a name to the future face, now of course there’s always a chance the doc made an oops but whatever.
Congratulations on having your first Audrey! And thanks for adding your 2 cents. Sounds like you’ve given it a lot of thought.
I think You have a lot of valid points. I wanted to know with mine so that I could buy all the blue or pink and have it all done and waiting for babies arrival, but I think neutral so that you don’t have to change for #’s 2, 3 or 4 is a great point. I would like to say though that your number 5 really hasn’t been valid for the last 5-8 years. I know with my son who is nearly 5 I asked at the time if they could be sure and she said yes, they don’t assume its a girl just because you didn’t see a penis. My friend who was pregnant at the same time had a girl and when I went with her to an ultra sound you could see EVEYTHING! I mean everything, lips lines and all of it. I would like to say that we didn’t have a 3D or 4D scan and it was all very clear.
When I got pregnant I had no strong feelings about finding out the sex – I was 39 and just ecstatic to be having a baby. The sex seemed like an insignificant detail and it just wasn’t that important for me to know ahead of time. I could have gone either way – find out, don’t find out, it didn’t matter. But my husband – he insisted we not find out, and felt very strongly about it. “There are so few big surprises in life, we must not find out.” Well I’m not sure about that, but whatever.
We didn’t know we were having a girl until she was born and it was the happiest day of my life, but I’m sure it would still have been the happiest day, had we known she was a girl. I guess it just depends on who you are! I sure did have a lot of people mad at me for not finding out. 
Too bad for them!
And we painted the bedroom khaki and yellow, and dressed her lots of white, green, and yellow. I never felt like finding gender neutral items a problem. Someone said ‘well you can’t dress a baby girl in blue!’ and I said ‘why not? I’m a girl, and I wear blue!’
Cute article! We chose to wait till birth with my son and now I am pregnant with #2 and we plan to wait again. I can totally understand why people want to find out, and I have to admit there are days with this pregnancy that I just really want to know, but in the end I know that the wait will totally be worth it. I had to laugh at your list because my mother in law was so upset with us that she called us in after our 20week ultrasound and begged us to give her the name and number to the ultrasound place so she could call and beg them to tell her the sex of our baby! LOL! I think that it is such a personal preference and I am glad that we have the technology today that allows us the choice. I will say that I am a little sad that you can find out in first trimester now with some of the genetic tests (Maternit21)it is hard to imagine just getting a phone call from your doctors office telling you the test results and oh, by the way you are having a …just seems really early, I mean do you need 7.5 months to plan?? and To the previous poster that said she couldn’t imgaine having to go shop for stuff after the baby was born..that was ALL I wanted to do after my little guy was born!
Congratulations on #2! Isn’t it so fun to irk your loved ones? It’s all in good fun. I love my mother-in-law but I have to admit that my husband and I had a few good laughs after her frustration.
I completely disagree. This is a personal decision, and while I will never understand why anyone wouldn’t want to start getting to know as much as they can about their child as soon as possible, I wouldn’t judge them or try to change their mind. We found out our daughter was a girl at 17 weeks and I couldn’t imagine not knowing. We will find out what #2 is in a week and a half and none of these ridiculous reasons could change my mind.
Congratulations Sarah on #2!
We found out while I was pregnant. Everyone kept telling me it was a girl but i knew in my heart he was a boy, i was right. I wanted to wait but his father couldn’t. Honestly it shouldn’t matter what your child will be as long as they’re healthy. It’s easy to get gender neutral things you just have to try.We also bought things both boy and girl items at the end of each season on clearance cheap and we had family and friends save from their babies till we found out. We have a yellow winnie the pooh themed room and gender neutral car seats everything may not be as cutsie but babies go through things quickly so who cares as long as they are happy
I’m with you Melinda – gender neutral car seats, strollers, bouncies, pack ‘n plays, etc. is best. That way you don’t have to buy all new stuff for the next baby if it’s a different gender or feel silly putting your boy in super girly stuff or vice versa.
We decided to find out with our little one at the 20 week appointment. I would not have had it any other way. We used her name when we talked to her, we picked out special things with her name on it and we decorated her room so that should could grow up in it (at least until she decides she wants something different). At my shower, my mom gave me the most precious thing…a quilt that she had made with Avery’s name on it. I am impressed by the families that can wait it out, I could barely wait until the 20 week appointment! While our family pool was not on gender it was on weight, hair color and length. So even if you find out, you can make it just as exciting and important because ultimately a new little person has just entered the world and knowing or not know the gender can not take away from that miracle!
Agreed Rachel! A new little person is always, always a miracle and a joy!
I totally agree!!
I found out with both of my children. I really like to have everything ready for the baby ahead of time so afterwards we don’t have much shopping afterwards. I love shopping for baby clothes especially the teeny tiny ones. And a lot of the ones I especially love are specific to gender. I would have been sad to miss out on the opportunity to go shopping for all those little outfits. We did a gender neutral room that both my son and daughter have used. Our infant car seat was probably mostly boy (it was blue) but it worked just fine for my little girl. We plan to eventually have a third and my husband wants to wait. I’d still like to find out just so I can get the right clothes out and possibly buy a few new items myself.
I completely understand the desire to prepare Erin for your third. I’m sure you have to lug out boxes and sort through, etc. and that will be a pain to do with a newborn and two other kids around after the baby is born. I think, in your situation, I would likely want to find out too.
I’m finding out. I wasn’t going to for a while but I just don’t like the neutral stuff out there; I despise most shades of yellow and orange. I’d rather just know. I’m still just getting the things I need off my registry because that’s all I’m asking for. Pretty much none of this applies to us.
I’ve found out with each of my kids (boy, girl, girl). I was “lucky” to get what I was “hoping for” – and I had various, personal reasons. We “hope” for a boy next time – and so I don’t get flamed for having a preference, I will share that it’s because I’m ready to have a son again being that mine passed away at 4 years old. I was NOT ready when my 3rd was coming (unplanned pregnancy) so I hoped she was a girl, and she was. But now I’m torn on finding out for #4 (TTC soon)… If we have another girl, will it be easier to accept at 20 weeks or at birth? Will we be disappointed at birth, even if just slightly, and if so will that make bonding difficult? I’m definitely leaning toward finding out at 20 weeks. I would rather deal with any let down, because I honestly can’t say if there will or won’t be, prior to birth so I can accept it and get excited by birth. I’d rather not risk spending my baby’s first hour disappointed.
I can totally understand Laura about wanting to find out sooner rather than later so you can manage the disappointment. I felt the exact same way for #2 and that is why we did find out (my husband wanted to wait again). But, we regret finding out. It was like the air being taken out of our sails. It lasted longer for him than me since we were hoping for boy but found out we were having our second girl. In retrospect, we feel that there would have been less disappointment if we found out it was a second girl after going through labor. After that, it’s easy to be grateful that birth is done and everyone is healthy. It’s hard to be disappointed with a little miracle in your arms. You know what I mean?
I would also like to add that we may find out simply for the fact that if we do have a boy, I may very well get my tubes tied at delivery (repeat c-section). I would prefer not to go under the knife a second time if I could get it all done at once.
Seems like sound reasoning to me Laura. Who would want two surgeries if they could get away with one?!
I HAD to know the sex of my little girl, that was just my personal preference. To me gender neutral clothes are just too plain looking and kind of ugly. Felt like right after having a newborn it would just be way to hard to go out and get all the things you would need for a little boy or a little girl when it should be the time your suppose to be bonding with them instead of stressing about things you will now need.
Makes sense Kelsie.
I’m pregnant with our first and we are not going to find out the gender! It’s how I’ve always wanted it. It’s funny because I’m a major planner…type A personality. But this is so exciting for me! It’s crazy though how much negative response I have received from some people. Even the negative response on here is crazy! I know several other pregnant women right now and they have all found out the sex of their babies. That’s what they wanted and that’s great for them. I haven’t scolded them or made them feel bad for finding out. It’s such a rare experience these days to wait. We didn’t always have the luxury of finding out the gender through ultrasound and those babies turned out fine. I don’t understand why there is all this emphasis on decked out gender specific nurseries and clothes. I don’t think the babies really care if they are wearing pink, yellow, blue, purple or white. Plus, with this being our first we are in great need for baby supplies…not just a whole closet full of clothes they are going to grow out of in a heartbeat. I work on the maternity floor and I can tell you that even the nurses and OB techs get excited to find out the gender when you don’t know. All in all, it’s each persons’ decision and we shouldn’t scold each other for choosing one way or the other!
P.S. I love this list!
I’m a planner too Lacie. That’s why I tell friends, if I could wait, you can too! Congratulations on your first baby and thanks for your comment.
I’ve always said that finding out the gender of your baby is always a surprise whether you learn at 20 weeks or at birth. However, you make a very strong case for your opinion with #3.
This blog was very interesting! I’m mostly interested in the responses from women who have tried EACH way simply because they have experienced both. You can’t knock it till you try it
To my surprise I’m pretty sure every single person who had both waited until birth and found out at 20 weeks, preferred waiting. As an unmarried college student, I’ve always imagined finding out early, but after reading this I may reconsider when that day comes far down the road!
The fact that every woman on here who has tried BOTH ways preferred waiting says so much to me. Thanks for sharing this!
I have done both, and I vastly prefer knowing. I found out the first time and didn’t the second, and it may have been because I wanted a certain gender more (you know, secretly) but when the doc pulled out the baby and showed me that the girl I’d been dreaming of for 9 months was NOT a girl I was really bummed. And I continued to be bummed for a solid month. If I had known ahead of time I could have gotten used to the idea without simultaneously being sleep deprived and over whelmed. Just my 2 cents,
I think surprises are great if both are totally fine with whatever it is. If one or the other is really wanting a specific gender however, it is often a good idea to find out ahead, to have time to get used to the idea of it rather than feel some disappointment on that special day. I felt very strongly I wanted a boy for our first. We decided on an ultrasound and found out I was carrying a girl . I cried that day, hormones, not getting what I thought I wanted, whatever. I got over it in one day and the next day went girl crazy. I am so glad I dealt with it then though and not on the day of her birth. Turns out it was so perfect and learning to let go of things we can’t control. It helped me bond specifically to my children ahead of time knowing who they were from the start. So for some this works great, others the other way. It’s all good!